


Catching Feelings

by hailynx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 11:31:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1303357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hailynx/pseuds/hailynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sehun needs a distraction, one, that’s preferably not Kim Jongdae. Unfortunately for Sehun, the other members of EXO strongly disagree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own EXO.  
> Please do not translate or repost/reupload.  
> This piece is a spin off of [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1068984/chapters/2376948).

Sehun likes to think that he is many things and as of late, it is the fact that he is well read. Sehun knows a lot about himself and his members. He is certain of it. Surprisingly though, the knowledge comes from both personal experience and observations made by their fans. He thanks them silently because some of the things they’ve said are in fact, accurate. Their analysis of member relationships is fascinating even if it isn’t all correct. The thing that makes him feels the best is the fact that they can’t read him as well as they think that they do. Upon realisation, Sehun had prided himself on it.

 

Sehun has affections for every one of his members although they’re not all on par. There are some that he likes more than others and a few that he tries his best to get along with for the sake of their teamwork. It’s not something that shows on stage because he doesn’t have much to showcase. Sehun’s give role is simple, he dances and raps. Once he’s done with his part, he moves out of the spotlight. There isn’t a chance for him to sing like the vocal line, turning to each other when they harmonise to make eye contact and long meaningful stares. Sehun doesn’t want to try anyway. His face is not made out for that kind of emotion. So he just turns his thoughts elsewhere and dances.

 

However, as of late, Sehun’s attention has been compromised and if he is the one that has noticed, it is definitely problematic. He finds that he concentrates a little too much on one small hyung and it is driving him up the wall. Everything about the main vocalist in M has suddenly become immensely interesting. They haven’t spent a lot of time together until the promotions of Growl and so he’s never really noticed Jongdae. But recently, things like Jongdae’s shyness, which is very different from the shyness of his favourite bubble tea drinking hyung, has managed to draw him in.

 

It is innocent and very cute, especially when Sehun looks to find Jongdae shrinking away, form becoming even smaller as he hides the smile behind his hands. As such, Sehun feels completely horrified when his thoughts aren’t quiet on that level. He spends too much time thinking otherwise of Jongdae’s... well, _everything_. Sometimes, it’s the fact that Jongdae has this bright laughter that lights up the whole room and at others it’s how kind he is to everyone else around him, despite who they are or what wrongs they have done. More recently, it is how well he wears his suits and fills them out. Most importantly, Sehun’s thoughts have sidetracked to how much he would like to take it off the small body. The thought often renders him immobile because Sehun’s never felt this way before and has no idea how to deal with it.

 

Sexual frustration isn’t something that he’s new to, because everyone in EXO has experienced it, even if they don’t say it or display it explicitly. There just isn’t any time in their schedules for the members to go out, meet people and subsequently date. Company policies are especially strict with how popular EXO has become in such a short amount of time. Still, Sehun has seen some of the members at their worst and it’s not pretty. Sehun doesn’t want to fall into that pit. Sehun knows that he needs a distraction and he doesn’t mind what the course of action that he’ll need to take to get it. He has a plan.

 

It’s bound to bring about trouble but they’ll sort it out seeing as they all tolerate each other to an extent. Each member has told him that at least once, that he is a brat, emotions ranging from anger to cheery teasing. The teasing is of course, mostly a cover up for their frustration, but Sehun takes it and shrugs it right off his shoulder. He’s the youngest. They understand or they _will_ , so he proceeds as usual. Sehun plans to make the most of things in his own way. If there’s anything reading has taught him, it’s to be assertive. And he should do it now because there will be no other time. At this moment, the fans cannot have his members but Sehun is still in close enough proximity to claim them.

 

So he snoops up on Jongin while the dancer is lazily watching some television during their short break and drops the bomb on him. They’re comfortable so he knows that they’ll be able to go back to normal quickly enough. Besides, Sehun is kind of looking forward to the baffled expression that Jongin will show him.

 

“Wanna have sex with me?”

 

Jongin does exactly as Sehun anticipates. His face falls apart like crumbling sugar cookies. It breaks out into such a large mix of emotions that Sehun can’t quiet tell what the reaction is meant to be. However, it’s very embarrassing in such a way that _embarrassing_ isn’t the right word to describe it. Sehun always finds it amusing but he can never tell Jongin so because the description is always changing on the tip of his tongue. When Jongin settles for confusion, eyebrows raised and mouth agape as he turns to look at Sehun, Sehun decides that it is okay to repeat.

 

“So, wanna—”

 

“I heard you!” Jongin cuts in, voice loud as he squirms away, “I was just—”

 

“Disgusted? Turned off?”

 

“No,” Jongin protests and Sehun believes him. Jongin’s probably got more rounded views on such controversial subjects than all eleven of them combined. “Please tell me ‘A Guide to Social Interaction for A Successful Life’ didn’t tell you to go ask your band mates for sex.”

 

Sehun smiles amusedly without an answer. Jongin jumps to his own conclusion, brows knitting together as he shakes his head in distaste of Sehun’s choices for exploration. Jongin reaches for his phone while Sehun is occupied with his own thoughts and promptly sends a message to Kyungsoo, telling him to drop the book if he is reading it. Sehun’s smile seems to be stuck until he catches a fading purple bruise just beneath Jongin’s collarbones and he doesn’t reply as intended.

 

“Is that a hickey?”

 

Jongin blushes, hand coming right up to cover the bruise. “I asked you a question.”

 

“I asked you two,” Sehun shoots back. “Is it Kyungsoo hyung?”

 

“What the hell gave you that idea?!” Jongin shrieks, raising a brow. When he realises that Sehun is completely serious, he shakes his head violently, “No. Just—”

 

Sehun waits and Jongin suddenly stops himself from denying and gives Sehun a judgemental look without saying anything more. Instead, Jongin mumbles a set of curses under his breath and reaches for the remote to turn off the television. After silence settles in, Jongin takes a quick but graceful turn around the couch and disappears into his own room. He locks the room despite sharing with two others and Sehun doesn’t protest. He now has a new mission concerning Jongin.

 

* * *

Yifan is the second one that Sehun approaches, just because he’s bigger and Sehun is at the current state where he is entertaining the thought of being on the receiving end. It seems nice enough and certainly easy enough, with the way that things are within EXO. He’s the youngest, so he is as used to taking as he is to serving. And more importantly than that, the thought of those large hands on his body has him feeling hot—Sehun’s staring. Sehun’s staring but he hasn’t even said anything yet and Yifan is already shaking his head in rejection.

 

“Sorry maknae,” Yifan says with Kris’ cool tone and pats his head with those hands simultaneously planting ideas into his head. “My galaxy is reserved.”

 

Sehun raises a brow but his expression drops pretty quickly upon fearful realisation. “Oh—oh my God. I thought—”

 

Yifan smirks. “The fans will never know.”

 

* * *

When they’re standing backstage, getting ready for their performance, Sehun entertains the thought of asking Baekhyun or Chanyeol. However, when he turns to look, they’re snickering about something in the corner and then bursting into loud laughter that has him retracting the thought as immediately as it came. He doesn’t need the whole group to know and he’s certain that Baekhyun and Chanyeol will not be able to keep their mouth shut even if it costs them their careers.

 

Sehun shakes his head and turns away. His attention is called to the cordi and makeup artist who do the final touch up on his clothes and face before sending him on stage. Everything else is pretty much routine. Sehun gets on stage and dances like he’s on autopilot. He’s learned the choreography, performed it too many times to count and so it makes it easier for his limbs to move according to the beat. What he doesn’t get used to, is the nerves the come with earning the awards. It always seems surreal but one by one they all head up onto the stage to receive it as reality settles in.

 

After the speech and the words of gratitude, the group lingers for a while. Everyone is cheery but deep down they’re probably all very tired. They all smile anyway and go around stage, cheering, dancing and smiling for the cameras that are still rolling. Sehun lingers from one place to the next and eventually settles his eyes on Jongdae. His thoughts process quickly with the adrenalin rush but it’s nothing along the lines of what he has previously decided.

 

Jongdae is holding the trophy in his hands and waving brightly towards the fans. Sehun approaches him, feeling impossibly tired and in need of a shoulder to lean on. He closes in on Jongdae, an arm around his waist, inhaling the little bit of Jongdae that is washed over by cologne and sweat and sighs contentedly. Sehun feels at home like this and when the thought hits, he takes a staggering step back. He needs a distraction and this is anything but. Jongdae flinches slightly as Sehun retracts his warmth, but smiles anyway and pushes a bit of his weight back. They wave together for a moment before going on their separate ways again, Jongdae slipping away easily to join the others.

 

When Sehun looks at his disappearing back, he finds that he feels a little empty. They’ve been closer on stage these days and now, it’s odd to see Jongdae away from him. However, he doesn’t have time to dwell on it and throw a tantrum just to draw Jongdae’s attention back to him. People are watching and their world is moving on. Sehun still wants to hold onto the fact that fans cannot read him as well as they’d like to think they do.

 

* * *

Jongdae lunges at him the next morning, hands held out to choke him but Sehun effectively rolls off the bed, hitting his butt against the cold floor and avoiding death by asphyxiation. Jongdae’s knees dig into his bed and he huffs but he doesn’t try to murder Sehun again. Sehun rubs his eyes lazily and stares at the little marks on Jongdae’s neck and swallows thickly. Perhaps, he needs to work a little more on self control. Jongdae yells in warning but he gets up without a second try for murder and leaves the room. Moments later, Sehun is fully awake and makes his way towards the bathroom. He doesn’t stay for very long, the incessant knocking on the door forcing him to pick up the pace.

 

Sehun yawns as he makes his way out, rubbing his belly lazily. When he lowers his gaze, he sees Jongdae nagging Baekhyun and reaching out for the concealer in his hands. They two of them aren’t very coherent in the morning but Baekhyun seems to fully awaken when he notices that it is Jongdae that is clinging to him. His eyes snap open dramatically and he looks around himself carefully before he curls his fingers around Jongdae’s wrist tightly and pulls.

 

“Baek—the _makeup_.”

 

Jongdae’s voice is muffled by Baekhyun’s hand as he drags Jongdae along. Baekhyun shoves Jongdae into the room in a hurry, drawing Sehun’s attention and curiosity. The others are still busy waiting in line for the bathroom or are lazily gathered in the kitchen, nagging Kyungsoo for a meal. Out of curiosity, he draws closer to the door and presses his ears to the thin wood. He doesn’t have Luhan’s powers but the walls in the dorm are pretty thin, made that way so that they don’t cause trouble without the leaders knowing. But then again, it’s probably not needed, not when Baekhyun is loud even though he intends to be quiet. The door isn’t even closed properly.

 

“I heard you gave Tao a blow job.”

 

Jongdae’s mouth drops. “What.”

 

Sehun blurts the word out in repetition silently and chokes on his air. It takes a moment to calm himself but when he does, he sucks a deep breath in and wills himself to be quiet. He hadn’t heard about this. Things around the dorm have been awfully quiet in terms of drama and Sehun’s never really been interested in members dating but this is definitely news. He is really starting to believe that his members, who don’t have any other form of outlet, have resorted to just seeing the most convenient person.

 

“Who told you that?” Jongdae asks.

 

“Kris.” Baekhyun says, tone indicating that it’s obvious. He pauses for a moment, reconsidering the consequences of Jongdae’s mouth for his disrespect. “Hyung.”

 

Jongdae is silent for a moment and he parts his lips again before smacking them together with a light sound. Sehun can see, from the little gap in the door that Jongdae is a little confused about how to go about the issue. He takes his time and Baekhyun fails to gather up the patience to wait for his reply. Baekhyun throws his hands up in the air huffing and then takes off, bouncing right off the bed and towards the door. He is so quick that Sehun barely manages to backtrack. Baekhyun knocks Sehun down with the door, sending a glare his way before he goes to join the others.

 

Sehun is a little incoherent, thoughts and voice muddled together. He hasn’t moved from his spot even when he hears Jongdae’s footsteps creaking against the wooden floor beneath his feet. When the door creaks open, he looks up, mouth agape, a string of incoherent syllables falling out of his lips with meaning that Jongdae probably will never understand.

 

Jongdae looks down at him curiously and offers a hand, “Are you okay?”

 

“Uh,” Sehun doesn’t manage to meet Jongdae’s eyes. “Yeah.”

 

He pushes himself up on his own and just brushes Jongdae by. He tries very hard not to think about it but he remembers the little whine that came from Jongdae’s throat the night before and can’t stop thinking at all. Sehun wills his mind to think of other things, anything really, just not Jongdae because that is not going to sit well. Unfortunately, his desires win over and he ends up thinking of Jongdae’s pink, plump lips wrapped around Zitao’s cock, tear dampened eyelashes fluttering as he takes Zitao in deeper.

 

“Urgh,” Sehun groans slamming his head against the wall, trying to will the images away.

 

Chanyeol raises a brow as he passes by, “Aren’t you stupid enough already?”

 

Sehun stops promptly. He doesn’t need to lose anymore brain cells.

 

* * *

What happened after the Seoul Music Awards stays in the bedroom. Jongdae and Sehun decide that they don’t need to talk about it and the two of them join into the normal flow of things at EXO’s dorm. Only Luhan remains concerned and fussy. Luhan now holds a strong belief that Jongdae is allergic to the tattoos that the staff had applied and adamantly tells them not to stick the ink against Jongdae’s skin. They do it anyway, swatting Luhan’s hand away and telling him that there’s absolutely nothing wrong. Luhan sticks by Jongdae and watches like a hawk but they succeed anyway.

 

Sehun snickers at this but neither of them, who know better, correct Luhan’s conclusion. It feels like a secret between them and Sehun is perfectly fine to be indulgent in it while he can. Jongdae though, seems to have a completely different reason for leaving it as is. He allows Luhan to pull him along, whining and pouting just because the elder is set on pampering him. It gets Sehun thinking and he wonders very briefly, if the reason that he is still alive is because Jongdae hadn’t minded _his_ pampering either. Before the thought can settle, Luhan’s soft voice brushes by his ears and distracts him from everything else that is going on around him.

 

“Come on Jongdae,” Luhan says, beckoning the young vocalist to the bathroom, "We need to get that tattoo off you.”

 

The bathroom door shuts with a click, indicating a lock, but none of the members seem fazed. Only Sehun turns to look for a moment before he returns his attention to Junmyeon to try and listen to what the leader has to say. Luhan and Jongdae come back out moments later, the arm free of ink and a smile playing on both of their lips. Luhan pats Jongdae’s head lightly and sends him back to where everyone else is. Sehun almost hisses, thoughts going in a variety of places, but Jongdae steals a seat right next to him and presses in closely, silencing all of his thoughts.

 

When Jongdae wraps his arm around Sehun’s waist, he stiffens and glares at every member with his stoic face. He puts up his shield and blocks his ears from their reprimand, trying hard not to concentrate on the warmth next to him. Everybody ends up staring and Jongdae tilts his head to the side, looking up at Sehun wearing an innocent expression on his face.

 

“Is it hot?” Jongdae asks softly.

 

Jongdae looks slightly apologetic as if he’s done something terrible, something to hurt Sehun and he apologises with his downturned mouth. When Sehun’s reply doesn’t come, he uncurls his fingers that had been fisted in Sehun’s shirt and attempts to move away. Junmyeon is still going on about something or other and so Sehun silently tugs at Jongdae’s hands and puts it back into place around his waist. Jongdae sighs contently against him and leans close once again, like nothing had happened. Sehun tries not to smile because he knows that the members will pick on him. He also tells himself not to feel contented when Jongdae’s smiling lips press into his shoulder because Jongdae is only leaning closer to catch what Junmyeon has to say.

 

* * *

Yixing ends up zoning out on him.

 

“Huh?”

 

Sehun shakes his head, “Never mind.”

 

* * *

All twelve of them travel together to China but they separate easily. Everyone wants to do something on their own with what little time they have. However, Jongdae is the one that runs off before everyone else. He needs to work on his pronunciation so he spends more time with Liyin while they are in China. When he is finally returned to them, Sehun notes him floating around the China line, clinging closely and asking for their help. Just before his performance, he sticks close to Yixing and hangs to his arms, tiredly, repeating the pronunciations carefully. Jongdae is still trying to perfect it, but his tongue will not curl in the right way.

 

“It’s okay,” Yixing tells him, fixing his collar. “You’ve practiced a lot with Liyin. And you did just fine at the recital.”

 

“But this is China,” Jongdae whines and cocks his head in the direction of the stage where people are eager with anticipation. “Everyone out there knows exactly how I should sound.”

 

Yixing sighs, “Okay, try again.”

 

Jongdae repeats after Yixing and messes up the pronunciation once more, earning a laugh. When he starts again to try and to get it right, Yixing lifts his face up by the chin and his brows knit together confused. Sehun watches with great intensity as Yixing studies Jongdae’s face only to tell him that his tongue is curling in the wrong way. Sehun begrudgingly thinks that there’s no need to touch and possibly scowls, scrunching his face together in distaste because Yixing smirks maliciously when their eyes finally meet.

 

“Shall I teach you?” Yixing enunciates teasingly in Korean, loud enough for Sehun to hear.

 

Jongdae takes a step back and slaps Yixing’s arm playfully. “Why do I feel like you’re messing with me?”

 

“Not you,” Yixing tells him and laughs.

 

Jongdae beams back, the way he does whenever someone smiles and laughs fondly. Yixing scoffs a little but pats Jongdae’s head with another hearty chuckle. Jongdae leans into the touch but as soon as Yixing pulls away, he bites down on his lips, hard enough to draw blood. Jongdae has a habit of biting things but he’s got nothing to chew on so settles for his lips instead. Yixing is called away shortly after and he gives Jongdae one last smile before he goes off. Jongdae stands, looking a little lost as he curls his tongue to fix the pronunciation that he has trouble with.

 

Sehun turns away when he is tapped on the back. The cordi fixes his tie with her brows knitted together. She doesn’t say anything distasteful but it looks like she hates her job. Sehun just lets her do her work because he’s a brat and she is being paid to fix his appearance. When he turns back around, free of the death grip that she had had around his tie, he finds Jongdae leaning against him. It isn’t anything heavy or lengthy, nothing different from any of their other brief hugs and interactions but it makes Sehun hyper aware.

 

Sehun’s voice falls out of his mouth before he can even stop himself. “What are you doing.”

 

Jongdae looks up at him and smiles. He doesn’t seem offended by the tone of Sehun’s voice or put off by his stiffened face. Jongdae’s always been like that, Sehun notes, always happy even though things are tough. Sehun stares back down for a moment and stops questioning Jongdae’s tolerance, deciding that he can be a good member for once. He reaches out and gives Jongdae’s hand a squeeze.

 

“You’ll be fine,” he finds himself saying. “We’ll be right here with you.”

 

Jongdae blinks up at him and Sehun flushes. He pulls his hand away and takes a step back only for Jongdae to take a step forward and wrap him in his arms. It’s cute, how Jongdae has to stand on his toes to wrap his arms around Sehun’s neck. When he leans into the touch, exhaling Jongdae’s light cologne, he feels so happy to be there, he wishes that he can just return the hug tightly. Instead, he is rendered immobile when Jongdae gives him a firm squeeze and whispers his gratitude. When Jongdae pulls away, Sehun’s fingers twitch and he is tempted to hold on, but the warmth that Jongdae provides runs away with him and Sehun’s fingers are left frozen. Instead, he is left to watch as Jongdae makes long strides to the stage with Liyin standing beside him. Just as they get to the chorus, Liyin and Jongdae make eye contact. Sehun stares for a very brief moment before he turns away, chest tightening so much it’s hard to breathe.

 

* * *

Everyone returns to the hotel while Jongdae is whisked away to film a few interviews. A few of the members take short naps but the majority of them are still up, playing with the phones and updating their social media networks where possible. However, as soon as Jongdae gets back and steps into the floor that their hotel rooms are at, M forgets all that they are doing and dashes right at him. They drown him in hugs and bring him towards the one of the rooms and then sit him down. Yifan instantly puts a hand to his forehead and Zitao kneels down right in front of him.

 

“Did they make you eat anything?” Zitao asks. “Does your stomach hurt?”

 

Sehun remembers a raises a quizzical brow once Zitao finds that his Korean is not enough and breaks into Mandarin instead. The K members who had seen the fuss poke their heads through the door but don’t say anything and linger to watch the exchange between the M members. Jongdae nods to answer and then tells Zitao softly, that his stomach is fine. He goes through the list of things that he had been given to taste and the crowd laughs at his mispronunciation. Jongdae pouts but then a light bulb flashes and he smiles again.

 

“Ah!” Jongdae claps his hands together. “I didn’t like the drink they gave me though. It was similar to stinky tofu.”

 

Luhan slaps him lightly, “You’re missing out!”

 

Jongdae makes a face, dragging his lips downwards to show his disapproval for the notion. The rest of M ignore his victimised tastebuds and continues to talk animatedly. Jongdae makes big gestures with his hands to describe his experience. He has a hard time sometimes, Sehun thinks when he has to use different words to make sure that M catches everything, but it is fair exchange. All of the M members have something to learn from this experience. Jongdae is also taking it as a chance to enhance his vocabulary.

 

Junmyeon orders them to bed once he deems that Jongdae is safe and taken care of. He taps the rest of the members on their shoulders to gather their attention. They turn to him and follow every instruction that they manage to pick up. They don’t have much time to sleep before they need to be up to catch the flight back. They are going to need sleep to ensure that they are not grumpy at the crowded airport. They cannot afford to ruin their image and they need to be in top condition appearance wise as well. After all, the airport is where all the flashy stuff happens.

 

“Why are they babying him?” Sehun mumbles, mostly to himself.

 

Jongin raises a brow and judges him again, this time for being slow on the uptake. “If you haven’t noticed, Jongdae hyung is like the maknae in M.”

 

Sehun raises a brow. It makes no sense to him. Zitao is the maknae if they’re talking about M. However, he doesn’t bother with it because Jongin’s tone is set. He makes an exit of the room and drags Jongin along with him, a pout on his face. He lingers in Jongin’s room for as long as he can before Kyungsoo kicks him out, forcing him to return to the room that he shares with Jongdae. Because Jongdae had said such a thing on Showtime, the others have pushed them into rooming for the night. It will be a lie for Sehun to say that he doesn’t like the sentiment, but right now, he doesn’t really need it. He doesn’t need to be pushed into close proximity with someone that he cannot have.

 

Heaving a sigh, Sehun turns the knob and enters. The room is empty and quiet so he assumes that Jongdae is still being questioned by the elder members of their group. Sehun shrugs it off and begins to peel the clothing off his body. If Jongdae’s not back yet, he’ll hog the shower while he can. He steps into the bathroom almost naked and hears a squeak from Jongdae as he spits the water in his mouth out. Sehun is very glad that the elder hadn’t choked on it because that could have gotten messy pretty quickly.

 

“God,” Jongdae mumbles, wiping his face with a towel. “You scared me.”

 

Sehun’s got the belt of his jeans unbuckled and the zip down and he’s frozen in place, looking at Jongdae’s bare chest—revealed by the unbuttoned dress shirt—and his thin boxers for comfort when sleeping. Suddenly, all the thoughts that he shouldn’t have pops up. All the vivid descriptions he’s been entertaining swarms his mind at once and Sehun feels himself hardening. More importantly, Jongdae is standing in front of him almost naked and making small sounds in the back of his throat with those plump pink lips that Sehun had visualised blowing him. It’s making Sehun’s thoughts go into overdrive and his cock harder in his pants.

 

“Uh...”

 

They have a moment of an awkward stare down of sorts. Jongdae looks tired but he is also flabbergasted and Sehun’s mind isn’t catching up with him. Jongdae turns away shyly, blush colouring his cheeks and it reminds Sehun of the little markings that he had left behind approximately two weeks ago. It had been a little prank, drunken on the high of their award at the time but Jongdae’s skin is now flawlessly pale and silky smooth.

 

Sehun takes a step forward and Jongdae stays frozen. He reaches out, hand cupping Jongdae’s face before he lifts his chin up to take a closer look at Jongdae’s neck. There isn’t a single trace of the constellation left, not even a faint sign that they were once there. Sehun’s gaze glosses over Jongdae’s face once but the elder refuses to look at him so Sehun leans in and gives the juncture beneath his right ear a gentle bite. He intends for it to be a follow up of his previous prank but Jongdae squeaks sharply and stumbles forward. His limbs go limp as the nerves hit him. Jongdae’s knees buck and he throws his body against Sehun’s, hand accidentally brushing against his crotch. Sehun pulls away with a groan and watches Jongdae’s pretty mouth part with a flick of his tongue due to nervousness.

 

“Uh,” Jongdae’s tongue darts out of pink lips and licks them nervously, “Sorry... did you...”

 

Sehun tilts his head but Jongdae promptly shoves the towel in his face.

 

“Sorry!” Jongdae shouts on his way out. “Bathroom’s all yours.”

 

Sehun is too mortified to complain and just stares blankly as the towel falls from his face to the floor. Very slowly, he turns back and slams the door to the bathroom shut, a sign for Jongdae not to enter. Huffing irritably, Sehun strips himself of the rest of his clothes and turns on the shower. He steps under the cold water, willing his erection away to no avail. When the cold starts to chill, Sehun bumps his head against the tile and wraps a warm hand around his cock. Groaning with irritation, Sehun jerks off, as fast as he possibly can while trying not to bring up any images of Jongdae.

 

He fails terribly.

 

* * *

When they get back to Korea, things are busy and they don’t talk. Jongdae goes on with the promotions for SM The Ballad while the rest of EXO run in and out of the studio for recordings and choreography practice. However, no matter how busy they are everyone takes out time to stream Jongdae’s interviews. Luhan tells him to do it in his spare time since he had refused to watch it with everyone else. Sehun streams it later when he is alone. There are English subtitles from one of their fan bases but Sehun cannot read everything for the life of him. He’s glad that Jongdae is speaking in Korean but he cannot understand much that is said in Mandarin, especially for the ones that make Jongdae’s eyes sparkle and his chuckle radiant when he turns to thank Liyin.

 

“What are you whining about?”

 

Sehun stops and looks up, his feet held mid-air and he thinks that he may have been stomping it like a child who has been denied ice cream at the market. Minseok is peering down on him with a judging gaze. Sehun looks around himself and realises that he had been alone. Maybe he had been particularly annoying with his tantrum when he thought that no one was around. He hasn’t noticed. Sehun parts his lips to answer but quickly shuts it to shrug lazily in response. He doesn’t feel the need to explain to anyone.

 

Minseok reads him easily anyway, “You should be happy for him.”

 

Sehun makes a face and Minseok returns it with a stern glare. In the end, he stomps his feet again, despite the fact that he does not want to prove Minseok right. The whine comes easily from his throat and he just goes naturally to throw another tantrum because that’s what he knows best. The pout comes easily to his cheeks and Minseok shoots him the odd look, eyebrows raised and face tinted with disbelief and discontent at the lack of growth in Sehun.

 

“But he’s _our_ member.”

 

Minseok’s face pauses for a moment and Sehun wonders if he’s hit home for the M member too. He hopes that Minseok will understand for the way that M is possessive of Jongdae like he is their child, but Minseok doesn’t share the sentiment. His mouth drops with a sly quirk, ‘ah’ slipping off his lips upon realisation but he doesn’t say anything to Sehun. Instead, he walks off coolly with a chuckle escaping his lips, hands gliding into his pockets, leaving Sehun confused and dissatisfied. Sehun watches Minseok go, eyeing his swaying ass for a moment and finds that there’s nothing attractive about it.

 

* * *

Jongin probes him. “Finally given up?”

 

“I am convinced that our members are all seeing each other,” Sehun tells him blandly.

 

What he doesn’t tell Jongin is that he doesn’t need anyone else, can’t have anyone else because he’s certain that Zitao and Jongdae have a thing going on. Baekhyun’s been annoying about it, whining and inconsiderate of others’ personal space and need for quiet, whenever Zitao and Jongdae are close. That is indication enough to stay away from the drama. Sehun doesn’t want any more trouble than what he’s already got on his hands.

 

Jongin raises a brow. “I’m not going to believe you if you tell me that’s what the book told you.”

 

“It didn’t,” Sehun waves a dismissive hand. He doesn’t tell Jongin that there’s no way that he will dignify Junmyeon by reading that stupid book that seems more mocking than supportive. “Our fans are very perceptive.”

 

Jongin looks at him, eyes widening slowly, so much so that for a very brief moment he thinks that Jongin will morph into another Kyungsoo. It’s a very scary thought that Sehun retracts almost immediately. His face is probably a mess because Jongin gives him a loud laughter before Sehun swats at his arm and throws the thought away. They don’t need two wide-eyed Kyungsoos who is prone to violence at every given chance.

 

Jongin hums, decides to entertain Sehun for a little longer, “What do you mean?”

 

“Don’t you get the feeling that M...” Sehun starts and can’t stop just because his mind has been plagued with too many thoughts. Why is every M member so close and in his eyes, especially towards Jongdae? “Like... they’re so close, it’s weird. We’re not like that, are we?”

 

Jongin blinks repeatedly, his internal mechanics ticking.

 

Sehun arches a brow, tone flat. “What.”

 

“Have you been reading fan fiction.”

 

It’s more of a statement than a question and before Sehun can protest, Jongin is cackling on his way out, like he knows something that Sehun doesn’t. Sehun feels like its déjà vu only this time, it is Jongin and not Minseok that is treating him this way. And suddenly he is reminded of Chanyeol’s remark about his stupidity and wishes that he doesn’t spend so much time slamming his head against hard surfaces because it’s clearly doing nothing for his perception. Everyone seems to understand something that he doesn’t and it’s infuriating because even if Sehun’s a brat, he does notice things that go around the dorm. But this time, it seems like something’s clearly slipped out of his radar this time.

 

* * *

“Translate that for me,” Sehun tells Zitao.

 

Jongdae is out at another fan signing for the promotions of Breath. Sehun is at the dorm with Zitao, watching the Sohu interview again for the fifth time. The Chinese member is scribbling messily in the book, trying to practice his Korean in the spare time that they have. Everyone else is floating around somewhere, either sleeping or taking the time out to contact loved ones since it’s hard to find time to actually travel back and forth to meet their family members and then the schedules that are lined up.

 

Zitao deflates instantly. He drops the pen onto the page and groans. He’s heard everything so many times already so he practically remembers it all. What he doesn’t understand is how Sehun is not bored with the format of the interview. However, he obliges and uses his ever expanding Korean to explain what Liyin is saying. Zitao tries to take it in a positive note, as if he’s learning by translating. He speaks slowly to make sure that he captures everything Liyin says. However, his efforts are unappreciated. Sehun’s face contorts and he throws his hand up into the air before coming back down to punch Zitao in the shoulder.

 

“She thinks he’s _cute_?” Sehun complains—and he still hasn’t forgotten that Jongdae had said that he wanted to protect her too. “What the fuck!”

 

Zitao raises a brow, “Jongdae hyung _is_ cute.”

 

Sehun mirrors Zitao’s expression and then allows his shoulders drop miserably. Figures. These are the words that are coming from the boyfriend. Zitao ends his job with a few more words and then he goes away to do his own thing, sick and tired of the repetition. Sehun pouts but plays the other interview and watches as Jongdae draws and explains why he had drawn in such a way. And he hates to admit but yes, Jongdae is very cute.

 

* * *

Jongdae is continually whisked away for the promotional activities. When Sehun finally sees him at home and resting, his head is on Yixing’s lap and his face is buried deep into Yixing’s stomach. Yixing is absently patting Jongdae’s shoulder as if he had been given the task to lull child to sleep. He multitasks and pats Jongdae in an ordered beat as he reads the subtitles off the television screen, volume on particularly low so that they don’t wake their vocalist.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Sehun asks and it comes out with unintended attitude.

 

Yixing halts his patting and looks up, slightly alarmed. “He’s sick you brat.”

 

Someone knocks the back of his head and Sehun bites back a yelp because Yixing is still glaring at him with a murderous light in his eyes. “Lower your voices. If Kris gets back and Jongdae’s awake, he’s going to skin you.”

 

Sehun turns to find Junmyeon and he shuts up at the serious expression that the leader wears. Junmyeon is usually very cheery, with a smile on his face all the time but he looks both worried for Jongdae _and_ himself. Sehun gives a lazily nod but jumps to attention when he hears clattering in the kitchen. Kyungsoo making something in the back, most likely congee but he doesn’t see any other K kids around. Zitao is lingering around in the kitchen too, hovering behind Kyungsoo and watching him cook with great intensity, almost as if he believes that the Kyungsoo will try to poison Jongdae if he’s not looking. Even if Kyungsoo annoyed by his unhelpful presence, he doesn’t make a fuss about it.

 

“Where’s everyone else?” Sehun asks.

 

“In their room, reflecting,” Junmyeon shudders. “Kris gave them a huge lecture for being loud and Luhan is reiterating. It’s almost as scary as he sounds when someone invades the personal space of his bed. Minseok is mediating to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.”

 

Sehun nods along and watches Jongdae again, eyes locked on his chest as it rises and falls. Yixing continues to pat him gently, eyes flickering from the television and then back to Jongdae. It’s kind of irritating him again and he doesn’t really know why. Jongdae is always so comfy with everyone even if they don’t get along the greatest. Even now, when there has been a rift between Jongdae and Baekhyun as of late, he still tries his very best to be cheery so that the people around him don’t feel uncomfortable.

 

He debates returning to his room but Sehun ends up taking a seat in the living room and tuning into the television in silence. Junmyeon goes off to find Luhan to tell him to stop his lecturing and Sehun can hear the disapproval for the fraction of time that the door is opened. It closes shortly after that and Sehun turns his attention back to the events in the living room. Keeping quiet comes easily but his eyes refuse to concentrate. They continually flicker over to where Jongdae is lying, peacefully content and curled up like an over attached kitten against Yixing.

 

Yixing shoots him a look when their eyes meet for the fifth time. Yixing smirks with that same knowing look in his eyes. It sets Sehun on guard but before Yixing can speak, the door to their apartment opens. The automatic chime rings when the lock opens and Yifan steps inside, flicking his shoes off with Jongin following closely behind him. They are quiet as they speak and Sehun’s glad he hasn’t shot his mouth off. Yifan pulls off his trench and tosses it over the sofa and then turns to Jongin, holding out a hand. Jongin acts quickly, digs his hand into his pocket, rummaging through to find the medicine and promptly handing it over.

 

Zitao promptly brings a cup of water and Yifan takes a seat on the corner of the couch. Yixing nudges Jongdae awake and he uncurls himself, groaning with pain as they pull him up. Zitao passes him the cup of water and Yifan pops the tablet out of the foil. Jongdae smiles good naturedly and drinks as he is told, obediently before plopping his head over Yixing’s shoulder again. His complexion is washed out and it is extremely worrying, looking worse than when he was sick earlier.

 

Yixing continues his gently patting as Yifan distributes instructions and decides that Jongdae will be rooming with him tonight. Yixing shifts backwards, pressing into the couch and leaving room for Yifan to move forward. Yifan slips his arms around Jongdae’s pliant body and picks the vocalist right off of Yixing’s shoulder and moves him into the leader’s bedroom. Jongdae whines, arms going up to swat Yifan away but eventually, he curls into the warmth, fists in Yifan’s shirt to steady himself. It is then that Sehun notices how comfortable M is.

 

It’s just like K, but only now does he see it clearly in M’s relations. They’ve grown much closer with the time shared in China and it’s something that will take more time for K to develop with M. It’s also surprising for Sehun because he is finally seeing the leader—who has always denied his responsibilities—in action. Now, even Sehun can say to the world that this is how Yifan takes care of his members. It’s rare to see but apparently, the rest of M weren’t lying when they said that Yifan actually does his job.

 

“Don’t make that face,” Yixing chides, playfully. “We’re taking care to make sure he gets better, not fattening him up to be eaten.”

 

Sehun reaches his hands up to his face to touch but he’s relaxed again and misses the point of Yixing’s words. However, he doesn’t retort because Yixing has authority and that sly grin still draped across his face. He watches them go from the couch and silence fills up the dorm. Kyungsoo and Zitao fight over who will bring the congee moments later and Kyungsoo wins out with his stare and strong silent being.

 

Sehun lingers outside Yifan’s room for a bit after everyone scrambles to their own. He doesn’t feel right about it, even though it’s not his fault that Jongdae is sick again. Jongdae probably hadn’t fully recovered in the first place but they had thought that he was well on the road to recovery, no backtracking. Sehun taps his feet impatiently and when Kyungsoo exits with the empty bowl, Sehun steals a chance to peek inside.

 

“Did he fall back asleep?” Sehun whispers.

 

Yifan lifts his head and turns around, sighing. “Five minutes.”

 

Sehun chokes on his thanks, finding it hard to articulate it but Yifan just shuffles out of the room quietly, without a need for his words. The leader closes the door quietly behind him and leaves them be. Sehun shuffles forward and makes himself comfortable on his knees, leaning his face close to hear Jongdae’s soft breathing. After a few seconds, Sehun tilts his head to the side, leaning gently against the sheet and watching carefully. He raises a hand to poke Jongdae’s soft cheeks and chuckles before repeating the action just to see Jongdae’s lips curl.

 

* * *

They rarely have recordings together but Sehun always noticed when someone’s missing. This time, Luhan, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have to move their schedules around Jongdae. It affects mostly Luhan but he’s cheery about it, not a hint of jealousy or irritation. Sehun’s lines are already done so he fiddles with his phone at the given break. No one has left yet and so he stays but his line of sight isn’t always glued to the phone. From time to time, he will look up from the little device and dart his eyes around the studio. He thinks that he’s quick and subtle but Luhan catches him with a sly grin.

 

“He’ll be in later,” Luhan laughs and there’s a hint of teasing on his voice. “After the performance with Liyin.”

 

Sehun finds that M is very weird lately. All of them look at him oddly and it makes him feel slightly self conscious. Sehun is suddenly aware of all the kinds of gazes they throw at him but he isn’t always sure what it means. It has him worried and he wants to throttle Jongin for it, even though he knows that that is irrational. In all honesty, Sehun’s only told Jongin but it feels like the whole dorm knows how distracted he is by Jongdae, whether he is there or not.

 

“I know.”

 

Luhan laughs at him and Sehun touches his face again. It’s normal in his opinion but Luhan gives him a knowing look and pats his head gently on the way into the recording room. Sehun stays behind and stares past the window. He hopes that his gaze burns Luhan and earns him an answer but his efforts are in vain. Luhan puts on the headphones and waves him off, a small smile on his lips as he starts recording.

 

When K finishes with their version of the song, they are sent home first. Luhan and the other vocalists of M stay behind. As the night progresses, they make their way home one by one. Sehun doesn’t fall into deep sleep until late so he hears the door opening and closing several times. Sometimes it is loud but with a few others, it is quiet. Everyone tries to be considerate but sometimes they are really, tired and fed up that all the anger and pent up frustration happens at the door, once it is closed.

 

Sehun sleeps for a good hour and then gets up at around three in the morning to grab some water. He scratches his stomach lazily as he makes his way into the kitchen. It’s a bit chilly but Sehun likes his water cooled so he pokes his head into the fridge and searches around groggily. When he is making his way back with the chilled cup of water in hand, Jongdae is just returning. The door clicks to a close and the vocalist sits down at the entrance of their dorm and proceeds to peel his shoes off slowly.

 

“Hyung.”

 

Jongdae turns to him, eyelids closing. “Sehun, why are you still up?”

 

“Water,” he says gesturing to the cup.

 

Jongdae gives him a nod and turns back absently to undo the laces in his left shoe. Sehun watches him for a moment and then asks if he needs any help. Jongdae laughs merrily and waves him off. Sehun stays behind a few moments more, watches Jongdae flick the shoe off his feet and then trudges off to his own room. He hops back into bed and twirls into the warmth, sighing contentedly. However, he doesn’t fall asleep right away and ends up coming back out ten minutes later because he hadn’t heard the footsteps down the hall.

 

When he looks around, he finds Jongdae where he had left him, leaning against the wall, breathing softly as he sleeps. Approaching carefully, Sehun looks at him, watches his chest rise and fall and is glad to see that it is even, serious sickness no longer plaguing his body. It’s almost peaceful but Jongdae hasn’t fully healed yet and looks so tired with his pale face and chapped lips that Sehun’s heart constricts painfully. Sehun tilts his head for a moment before sighing and then making an effort to pull Jongdae onto his back.

 

It’s almost a battle but he manages to get to the door where he shares the room with Minseok. Unfortunately for Sehun’s back the door is locked. He tries several times to open it but doesn’t turn at will. Sehun’s brows furrow together because none of their rooms have locks, but Minseok may have been serious about putting one in for his room. Everyone is too messy for the eldest and he has been feed up with members coming in to make chaos of his room.

 

“Seriously?” Sehun complains as he tries again.

 

In the end, Sehun happily settles for his own room. He tips toes inside, trying to be considerate of the other members but mostly Jongdae. There’s only about another two hours before they all have to be up again. Sehun kicks his blanket aside and carefully lays Jongdae onto the soft mattress. The vocalist groans but shifts into the bed and makes himself comfortable anyway. Sehun hops in afterwards back pressed against Jongdae’s as he tries to go back to bed. When he begins to nod off, Jongdae shakes him back to consciousness by shifting closer. Jongdae turns right around and wraps arms around Sehun’s waist and pulling in close, almost possessively if he weren’t already asleep.

 

Sehun freezes up and stops breathing altogether. It takes minutes for him to make himself comfortable again but it doesn’t seem like any more sleep will be coming tonight. Sehun still hasn’t been able to say anything and keeps putting it off, especially because Zitao is also in the picture. Sehun’s never suffered from such feelings before so he doesn’t know how to go about solving it. It is extremely hard to deal with when they’re always in close proximity and harder when Jongdae wants to be close with him, just as he is with everyone else.

 

When the sunshine peeks through the curtains, Sehun’s half awake but refusing to open his eyes to get up and prepare for another day of activities. His body feels sluggish but he is content, now turned to face Jongdae, arms wrapped around the vocalist, hugging him tight. He pulls closer for warmth because the morning is chilly and Jongdae nuzzles his nose into the crook of Sehun’s neck, breathing softly against his skin. It trickles but Sehun finds himself smiling into Jongdae’s soft locks and falling back into a light state of sleep.

 

What seems like five minutes later, although is an hour by the time on his phone, Sehun jerks awake again. Jongdae is still sleeping soundly in his arms but Sehun probably won’t fall asleep any more. Their leader, K’s specifically, is running around the dorm, steps thudding the hallways as he panics, yelling for Jongdae. He’s going from door to door and Sehun can only wait until he chooses theirs. He’s irritated but he doesn’t want to pull away, so he nuzzles in closer, lazily, pressing Jongdae’s face to his chest and letting the vocalist’s breath gloss over his collar. When Junmyeon draws closer, Sehun places a gentle hand over Jongdae’s ears to keep Junmyeon’s voice away.

 

“Where is Jongdae?” Junmyeon demands finally opening their door.

 

Sehun peeks from underneath his blanket and glares. “Shut up hyung. He’s right here.”

 

Junmyeon blinks once and twice. It takes a while for the thought to completely register and once it does, Junmyeon just smiles and takes a step forward. “Really?”

 

Sehun sharpens his gaze and tightens his grip on the pliant body next to him. “Go away.”

 

Junmeyon makes a face, feigning hurt. Sehun decides that he doesn’t give a crap and grabs the spare pillow and throws it at the leader to make his point.

 

* * *

After waking in Sehun’s bed, Jongdae’s taken it as permission to invade Sehun’s personal space more often. It’s cute that he follows Sehun around and gives him small smiles but Sehun doesn’t have it in him to just take in the good stuff. He has to see Zitao every day and every time Zitao smiles at him, his mind wonders and he doesn’t want to inflict pain. However, Sehun’s still selfish. He welcomes the warmth that Jongdae gives him and reciprocates it where he can with a gentle pat on the arm, some fond ruffling of hair and a hug here and there. Sehun’s been doing it a lot lately and no one has made a comment about it so he doesn’t think that he’s being obvious.

 

Jongdae always catches him off guard these days, mostly because he’s not supposed to be around but he is. He should be resting before SM sends him off to China again but he always finds his way back to where Sehun is, whether it is on the couch in the living room or in his bedroom just lazing around. Jongdae hangs around, leans into Sehun when they’re watching something on the television, or he makes Sehun’s bed like his own and just splays all over it. Eventually, he falls asleep and Sehun ends up staring at his angelically sleeping face until the others come home.

 

Today, Jongdae does something a little different. He places a shy and chaste peck to Sehun’s cheek and smiles easy. They still haven’t talked about it and Sehun’s mind has run on a rampage many, many times but he hasn’t been able to act. Every time he thinks about it, Zitao floats to mind and he finds himself back away. Sometimes, he wonders if they’re fighting for Jongdae to be this close, but they never seem to be. Zitao and Jongdae get along exceptionally well, whether the camera is rolling, on them or not.

 

Sehun’s face freezes as his hands fly up to touch his cheek. He feels guilty but he also wants. As Sehun turns away, Jongdae pulls him back. The vocalist laces their fingers together, seemingly out of platonic interest. He pulls Sehun’s hand onto his lap and pokes at it with great concentration. The size difference in their hand is much like the difference in their height. Jongdae cannot match up and he pouts when he presses their hands together to check the difference. Sehun folds his fingers almost automatically, curling carefully around fingers that have yet to show their skills on the piano and smiles.

 

Jongdae beams at him, “You’re not scowling anymore!”

 

Sehun lowers his gaze down towards bright eyes and plump pink lips, expression folding again.

 

“What’s wrong, Sehun?”

 

He fidgets, pushing back but Jongdae doesn’t let go of his hand. Instead, the vocalist is now rubbing tentatively, as if he’s trying to sooth a wound. Sehun’s seen Jongdae do this many, many times, has been on the receiving end too, but this time it feels so much different. There’s no one else here, Jongdae doesn’t have to pretend to be anyone else, but here he is, very much Jongdae and it makes him want with so much hope.

 

“Tao—”

 

Jongdae’s eyes widen for a short moment before his chuckle rumbles out of his chest. Sehun shouldn’t find it so attractive but he does with the way that Jongdae’s eyes form crescent moons and his mouth turns upwards prettily. He looks genuinely content and Sehun’s chest constricts at the thought that he’s the one that’s caused it.

 

“We’re not—” Jongdae giggles and so beautifully it makes Sehun’s heart jump. “We’re not like that.”

 

Relief flushes through Sehun’s whole body and he leans forward to steal Jongdae’s air. He presses hard against Jongdae’s body and revels in the warmth that he is enveloped in when Jongdae loops his arms around Sehun’s neck and reciprocates. Jongdae’s hands, which had flown up to his chest, now form fists in Sehun’s hair as he pulls the younger closer. Jongdae arches upwards, muscles loosing as he returns Sehun’s affections. Jongdae parts his lips, air puffing against Sehun’s lips as he calls out to Sehun needily.

 

Sehun pushes his whole body against Jogndae’s and revels in the surprised gasp that Jongdae elicits, drinking it in and thinking of nothing but the person in front of him. Carefully, he probes at Jongdae’s lips, parting it a bit more to enter his hot mouth. He ends up pushing Jongdae against the couch and kisses him hard, stealing air and providing it back in the same breath. He probes with his tongue, running it across the roof of Jongdae’s mouth and dipping his tongue into taste. Jongdae continues to pull at him and Sehun nips on the vocalist’s lower lip softly. When Jongdae pulls away slightly for air, Sehun part his eye lids and peers down, eyes locked on lips that he’s made red and glossy. Jongdae pants softly against him and Sehun laughs into the corner of Jongdae’s mouth, presses gentle touches against skin, content and blissful.

 

“Really?” Sehun whispers, inhaling Jongdae like air.

 

Jongdae laughs, beautifully, fingers still laced tightly as he presses gentle lips against Sehun’s, fitting it perfectly, “Really.”

 

Sehun hums as he nuzzles closer, arms going around to wrap Jongdae into his embrace, but the door clicks and he freezes. Jongdae doesn’t seem too mortified and Sehun’s really okay, unless it’s Zitao but—

 

“Oh,” Jongin squeaks. Sehun notes the little smirk on his face and knows that he’s not sorry at all. In fact, the curls at the corner of his lips tell Sehun that he had done that on purpose. “Continue. I’m just passing by.”

 

Jongdae chuckles, head buried in the crook of Sehun’s neck. It’s a laughter laced with nothing but warmth. There is no embarrassment or shame and it burns Sehun’s chest with desire, but he can wait. Kissing Jongdae is a good start, he thinks as he grins and steals another quick peck on Jongdae’s cheek.

 

* * *

Jongdae doesn’t ask for anything after that and Sehun is sated or as sated as he can be. Curiosity is filled and he doesn’t go around eyeing every one of his members, well, maybe except Jongdae, but he’s not going to say. For a whole week after, Jongdae gives him soft smiles and sweet glances. It’s thrilling and lovely, filling his heart and making it burst only to be put together again when Jongdae treats him warmly.

 

Sehun’s so used to it, it feels almost like withdrawal when Jongdae just suddenly stops being _Jongdae_ and more like a member of the band, an older brother to the younger ones. Most of what he’s done for the others haven’t changed, it’s just that Sehun’s been given special treatment and it feels completely odd and bare without the affectionate wrapping around him like a warm blanket.

 

Jongdae starts acting like nothing has happened and Sehun can only follow in suit because he doesn’t have time to sort it out. Their schedules are packed and Jongdae is flown to Hong Kong with M for some more fan signing. He returns quickly but they’re all drained so Sehun doesn’t bother them, not when Jongdae still has to go back to the company to record and learn the dance on his own. To top it off, SM sends Jongdae away for a few more interviews. The promotions with Liyin continue at every chance that SM can take. They travel to China a lot, for all the festivals that are happening. Sehun’s never realised that music can be so powerful. Even if it’s not in his native language, music will keep on moving. Jongdae is now a part of something much larger than just the Korean Wave.

 

When Jongdae returns, he is always alone and feeling ill because of the rough schedule they have suddenly dumped onto him. When he gets home, he runs right into the arms of the elder M members and allows them to spoil them. He goes to K often too, but his reliance on them is different. The kind of support that he gets from M is silent and respectful for they just don’t have words in between the two languages to upset him anymore than his exhaustion already is.

 

However, right at this moment, he’s chosen a K member. Jongdae is curled up besides Chanyeol, laughing brightly at whatever it is that Chanyeol is saying. Baekhyun joins them and the tension tightens but Chanyeol doesn’t notice, just continues creating a bridge between them. Sehun watches from the kitchen and thinks that he should tell Baekhyun but he’s not sure anymore, not after the distance that has formed between them and the evident closeness that Zitao and Jongdae continue to develop.

 

Turning away to look back down at the schedule in hand, Sehun scrunches it together and wishes that when he straightens it out again, the number of activities will have decreased by half. Unfortunately, it’s jammed packed as most of their other days. Today is a rare exception, since he is given the chance to laze around at the dorm while the other members are out for interviews and filming.

 

“Why are you sulking?”

 

Sehun fidgets uncomfortably. To be honest, he’s more than a little jealous, feelings of possessiveness taking flight easily. Although Jongin’s the only one that Sehun’s really given any thought to tell, he doesn’t like it that Jongin can use that information to pick on him. Honestly, now that he thinks about it carefully, it isn’t fair seeing as how Sehun still has no idea who it is that Jongin is seeing. The purple marks of possession still mar his skin when Sehun cares to look.

 

“Oh,” Jongin is surprisingly perceptive. “Sehun...”

 

“Shut up,” Sehun bites back.

 

“You have _feelings_.” Jongin cackles evilly into his hands. “Serious feelings.”

 

* * *

It isn’t awkward but Sehun doesn’t feel right. Perhaps, he had been wrong about the whole thing. How does one go back to normal? His interactions with Jongdae had been limited since and his long silence has made it difficult to try and rectify the easy way. Sehun’s never really been good with his words and feelings just make everything even more complicated. He wishes for time to explore but right now, time seems to be a diminishing factor.

 

In the end, he turns to Yifan, the leader who is closer to Jongdae.

 

“Hyung,” Sehun whines when he finds Yifan. He plops down next to him and knocks his head into the leader’s shoulder repeatedly. “You know... your thing, with uh...” Sehun still doesn’t have a clue who but it doesn’t really matter at this point. “How do you... you know?”

 

“What?” Yifan asks, shifting for personal space. “That’s very eloquent Sehun.”

 

“Is it not awkward for you?”

 

Yifan raises a brow. “Shouldn’t you be talking to Jongdae about this?”

 

Sehun looks scandalised because he is actually listening to himself and knows that he really isn’t being coherent enough. How does Yifan know? He always seems to know, just like the time he had rejected Sehun even though Sehun hadn’t managed to say a word. “I never said—”

 

“Please,” Yifan laughs. “You’ve been looking at us like Baekhyun looks at Jongdae.”

 

Sehun looks at Yifan with a mix of expressions that must make him really ugly because the leader bursts out laughing uncontrollably. It takes him minutes to calm down but even then, he’s rubbing his chest and sniggering into his hand at every chance that he gets.

 

“Jongdae hyung gave Tao a blow job,” Sehun whines automatically.

 

It’s in his system because they give him the right to and they spoil him. He doesn’t care how childish he sounds, it’s true and right now, he’s thinking that Jongdae regrets a lot. Perhaps, he has feelings for Zitao but hadn’t been able to articulate it. Sehun doesn’t want to think about it but he’s thinking about it anyway. There is a minor pause and Yifan’s gaze flickers across the living room towards the hallway. Sehun follows his gaze but sees no lingering shadows so he turns back and pins a hard stare at Yifan. Yifan is the leader; the hyung. He should be providing Sehun with guidance instead of trying to run away from the responsibility.

 

“Hand job,” Yifan corrects, snickering. “It’s was like what? A month ago. You don’t have to be jealous.”

 

Sehun doesn’t connect the coincidence and just mumbles irritably, “Does everyone know about that?”

 

“Yeah,” Yifan shrugs, hiding his amusement. “They came out of the bathroom together and Zitao was all giddily and happy.”

 

“So how does that mean that I don’t have to be jealous?” Sehun asks, pouting.

 

Yifan smirks, as if he’s just caught a mouse in a trap. Sehun’s irritation grows because there isn’t any cheese and Yifan doesn’t offer him a way out. Instead, M’s leader cackles evilly, just as every other member that Sehun has sought help from and dismisses the issue. He leaves Sehun alone on the couch and returns to his room, mumbling something about contacting his mother. Sehun stamps his feet in hopes of getting Yifan’s attention once more, but the door closes and Sehun is left alone again, with his thoughts of incompetence.

 

* * *

Zitao is the one that comes to find him and Sehun’s a little annoyed. Zitao is really, the last person that he wants to see. Sehun has bothered almost everyone except for Zitao and Baekhyun, who seems to have been getting more upset at Jongdae lately. He knows that he doesn’t need to add fuel to the flame. Baekhyun and Jongdae are more likely to work together and they don’t need to display the sour relationship on screen.

 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Sehun says with more bite than intended. “We’re not anything.”

 

Zitao gives him the deadly glare and Sehun shrinks away. Although he may be upset with Zitao, that glare will always send him running. There’s a lot to fear in Zitao. The M maknae is scared of ghosts, bugs and other phenomenal things but he certainly isn’t scared of humans, least of all, Sehun. Yifan as the leader is an exception and maybe Luhan when he gets serious about his bed space, but everyone else falls to Zitao’s charms and he knows exactly how to use that to his advantage.

 

“Sehun,” Zitao shakes his head. “I don’t understand what you’re so pissy about?”

 

Sehun shoots him a glare, though it is not on par, “I’m not. You just go back to loving your Jongdae hyung and leave me alone.”

 

“Stop being a brat,” Zitao retorts. “You should—”

 

“Are you trying to say something here?” Sehun shouts, jealously coating his words in thick, heavy layers. “Jongdae hyung likes you enough to blow you so—”

 

Sehun grimaces, as he thinks about it again. Jongdae had exited the bathroom with Zitao. The image comes to mind easily and he feels his insides churn again, because now he remembers exactly when he had happened. Sehun groans inwardly and wills the image away because now it’s his fault. Jongdae must have found Zitao so incredibly adorable that he had wanted to love and protect him.

 

Zitao scoffs, throwing his hand into the air, a sign of extreme frustration. “Why does everyone think that?”

 

“Well you guys exited—”

 

Zitao folds his arms, unimpressed. “When did we?”

 

“Last... month... that prank. Did he comfort you?” Sehun states very slowly as realisation dawns on him. “Oh my god.”

 

“Yes, oh my god.” Zitao replies mockingly, “Now stop being asshole.”

 

“Why is everyone calling me that?”

 

“Because you are,” Zitao states, folding his arms crossly. He enters into a different state, one that is the protector of his beloved M members, especially Jongdae hyung who gives up things for him and readies himself to attack at full force. “You went around asking everyone to have sex with you. No strings attached. Jongdae hyung thinks that’s what you want.”

 

“What.”

 

“If you haven’t noticed, he hasn’t really been around to notice,” Zitao points out, feeling tired now. “And when he heard about it, what else could he think? He’s not the only one you asked after all.”

 

Sehun scoffs, “I didn’t even ask him.”

 

“Oh my god,” Zitao slaps his hand to his face, shaking his head and then walking away. “You’re a dick.”

 

* * *

It’s becoming increasingly hard to steal any time of Jongdae’s to himself. Jongdae floats around the dorm as usual and annoys a few people before going out of his way to help when he is requested to do so. All the M members seem to want a bit of Jongdae’s attention today. Sehun just can’t squeeze any time in for himself. Whenever Sehun tries to grab Jongdae’s attention by waving or grabbing onto his arm lightly, a member from their M line calls out to Jongdae and demands his presence. Jongdae isn’t unkind. He responds with a wave and a smile but quickly passes by when called and Sehun never has to the chance to say what he needs to say.

 

Right at this moment, Yixing has Jongdae occupied and that ticks Sehun off more than the thought of Jongdae hanging around with Zitao—well, now that he knows the truth, Zitao doesn’t matter. And furthermore, Zitao is innocent in his exchange where is Yixing is touchy-feely, arms draping over Jongdae’s shoulder and pulling him close to whisper things that Sehun cannot hear. Furthermore, Yixing is also sly smiles and odd intentions that Sehun just can’t figure out.

 

Yixing knows that Sehun is watching so runs a teasing hand up and down Jongdae’s shoulder, and speaking lowly in a mixture of Korean and Mandarin. Jongdae has to lean in to hear him and the vocalist makes nothing of it even as Yixing’s hands wonder. It really ticks Sehun off because the M members seem to abuse this kind of affection. They keep on pulling closer together and Sehun wonders if they even know about the concept of personal space.

 

Whatever Yixing’s doing, it must be done on purpose because Jongdae who is pretty good at getting things, continually knots his brows in confusion. The lead dancer of M laughs snaking his arm around Jongdae’s waist to pull him in closer and repeats himself. Whatever is said clicks afterwards but they don’t pull away. Jongdae nods with a smile and steals at glance at Sehun. When Sehun pins him with a quizzical stare, he waves softly without an explanation. Sehun melts at the little smile on his lips and lifts a hand up to return the gesture. However, their moment is lost when Yixing pulls Jongdae back in and Sehun’s efforts seems pointless. Minseok decides to walk pass right at that moment and adds fuel to the flame.

 

“Stop flirting in the corner,” Minseok chides airily waving his hand in Sehun’s direction, “You’re giving the maknae ideas.”

 

To his mortification both Yixing and Jongdae laugh.

 

* * *

Sehun realises that he’s made a round trip to almost everyone in their band and he’s getting pretty desperate. Jongdae doesn’t seem fazed in the least and he stays cheery, still not suffering from any forms of Sehun-withdrawal. He’s back to normal now— _completely_. The vocalist waves at Sehun when he sees him and smiles at him like the old days, but the little spark that made everything feel special isn’t there. It burns bad and in the end, Sehun decides that he needs all the help that he can get.

 

He coerces everyone into helping him with his most hated use of _aeygo_. Yifan snickers and promises to takes half of the members out for pizza and Junmyeon pats his head with a look of pity and promises to drag the rest to go shopping. He tells the members that he takes that he will be buying them little gifts as encouragement to keep up the hard work. Sehun’s keeps Baekhyun only to bribe him to take care of Yixing. Sehun has a hard time dealing with Yixing who’s playful and devious, vicious at times and knows that only Baekhyun can save him at this point in time.

 

“Take him to see your grandmother!” Sehun pleads, hands clasped together.

 

Baekhyun raises a brow, smirking. His clock is ticking and he’s already thinking about what he wants in return for the favour. Sehun’s glad to say that he’s thought this through properly, put all of the pieces together and this plan is going to be flawless.

 

“Zitao,” Sehun grins right back.

 

He doesn’t have to offer anything else. They’re close and Baekhyun knows that. There are things that Sehun knows and can do that Baekhyun probably wouldn’t find in anyone else. Perhaps there is Yifan but it doesn’t seem like Yifan is a viable option at this point in time. He’s the one spreading weird rumours—wait, Sehun chuckles internally, of course it’s Yifan spreading rumours.

 

Baekhyun narrows his eyes carefully, “Okay.”

 

Baekhyun goes to wake Yixing after he’s done with his morning routine and drags the boy out. Yixing is still a little groggy in the morning so he doesn’t notice anything that is amiss. When they’re at the door, Baekhyun turns back and pins Sehun with a hard stare, holding him to his promises while lazily urging Yixing to hurry. They have a long way to go and they have to make it back in time for their schedule the next day. Sehun just grins back and watches as the door closes. If he’s successful in this, he’ll have a shield that’s strong enough to go against Baekhyun.

 

Sehun lazes around the house and lets Jongdae sleep in as much as he wants. When he finally wakes, he makes his way to the bathroom to wash up. There is a contented smile on his lips as he makes his way into the living room, saying something about the freedom to use the bathroom as he had liked. Sehun grins at this and gives Jongdae a small wave.

 

“Morn—afternoon.” Jongdae corrects himself when he finds that it is pass noon. “Where’s everyone else?”

 

“The leaders took them out,” Sehun says. “I’m home to look after you, since you’ve still got a bit of a cold.”

 

Jongdae pouts, lips pushed out and eyes sad like a kicked puppy. Sehun mirrors his expression and is about to reprimand Jongdae for thinking of going out but Jongdae turns around disappears back into his room. The sound of the cupboards opening and closing can be heard before Jongdae comes back out fully dressed and ready to depart. He mumbles something under his breath and heads towards the entrance of the dorm to put on his shoes.

 

“Hyung—”

 

“I can have fun by myself,” Jongdae huffs, completely upset at his members. “Eat all I want and buy as much crap as I want.”

 

“Kris hyung and Suho hyung won’t be paying for that,” Sehun reasons.

 

Jongdae’s hand pauses on his laces and he huffs once more before throws his shoes off, feline lips pushed into a pout. Sehun’s heart thuds in his chest and he finds it hard to concentrate on the original plan. He wants so badly to pull Jongdae into an embrace and just say but instead, Sehun offers a hand and leads Jongdae back inside. It’s quiet now so Jongdae can do whatever he wants at home and Sehun wouldn’t mind.

 

“You can do anything you want,” Sehun offers.

 

Jongdae hums in response and goes towards the cupboard connected to the television stand and begins to rummage through it. Sehun joins and helps out. Once they decide on what to watch, Jongdae slumps onto the couch and Sehun puts in the movie and gets it running. Jongdae’s choice is an old Chinese film with subtitles. Sehun watches for enjoyment and Jongdae tries to study in vain.

 

Halfway through, Jongdae falls back asleep on Sehun’s shoulder. He doesn’t have the heart to wake Jongdae up but feels time ticking. When five o’clock runs around the clock, Sehun shuffles and very sadly, shakes Jongdae awake. Jongdae nuzzles against him but pulls away with a pout on his lips. Jongdae had said recently that he wants to sleep to maintain his vocals but Sehun needs just a little bit of time.

 

Sehun shakes him lightly and sits him upright, opposite of him, “Hyung.”

 

“What is it, Sehun?” Jongdae asks sleepily, a small smile on his cheeks.

 

“I didn’t—” Sehun finds it very hard to be eloquent and now he’s noticing his own lisp. It makes his confidence plummet. “It wasn’t for the sex.”

 

They didn’t even have sex but still, it seems like he needs to clear this up. Jongdae raises a brow promptly and breaks into a soft chuckle. He informs Sehun that he knows already and that he’s not upset about it anymore. Sehun bites down on his lips and apologies again because Jongdae really shouldn’t be upset at all by him, or anyone else for the matter.

 

“I like you,” Sehun says simply.

 

Jongdae beams and replies like he does to the others, like how he would on a talk show, “I like you too, Sehun.”

 

Sehun’s heart falls and his mouth drops a little. He parts his lips to repeat but then closes it promptly. Jongdae waits for him with the Cheshire smile and Sehun knows that he won’t be taken seriously again. He does it anyway because Sehun is ineloquent and simple words are all that he knows.

 

“I like you,” Sehun repeats again.

 

Jongdae blinks, a confused expression washing over his face. “Yeah, I know.”

 

Sehun groans and plants his face into his hands. Jongdae reaches out tentatively and gives him light pats before he rubs carefully, the act of comfort that he takes for every other member. Sehun musters up a glare but ends up pouting when he meets Jongdae’s concerned gaze. Jongdae leans into his personal space and places a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. Sehun’s frown deepens and Jongdae mirrors his expression.

 

Jongdae speaks gently, “Are you feeling left out by the group, Sehun? Because they left you at home to look after me?”

 

“No!” Sehun protests, “I would rather stay at home with you than go out!”

 

Jongdae smiles at that. “Okay. Then, what’s wrong?”

 

“It’s not platonic!” Sehun throws his hands up into the air and raises his voice, willing Jongdae to pay close attention. “I want to do things with you! Like hold your hand, take you out on dates, kiss you and well... sex, but not _just_ sex because—”

 

Jongdae’s face breaks out into something of a grin but he’s quick to mask it behind a half stern expression. It falls apart so easily, Sehun knows instantly that he’s been played.

 

“Are you messing with me?” Sehun snaps, feeling elated but at the same time just a tiny bit upset. “You heard me clearly and understood every time!”

 

Jongdae chuckles brightly, rich tone echoing in the air. His lips quirk and he leans forward gently invading Sehun’s personal space, “But if I want to hear it, you’ll say it again, won’t you?”

 

Sehun flushes pink but Jongdae doesn’t relent. Instead, he comes a little bit closer and once again, places a soft and chaste peck against Sehun’s mouth, easily drawing a willing, “Yes,” from his lips.

 

_Fin._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own EXO.

**EXTRA:**

Jongin and Sehun are hiding around the corner, trying to stifle their snickers. It is an evil plan but they’re in the mood to be mischievous. However, Jongdae and Zitao come out of the bathroom together gleeful. This is a surprise that has them gasping as the two M members cackle as they move along. Zitao is pushing Jongdae forward gently, his hand on the towel atop of Jongdae’s head as he ruffles the strands dry. Zitao presses in close, leans his chest against Jongdae’s back and whispers something a top of his head.

 

Jongin and Sehun turn to look at each other bewilderedly for a brief moment and realised that they had made a miscalculation. When the door closes to the bedrooms, the two of them bolt. The two of them make their way towards the bathroom and as they expect, the lights are off, permanently.

 

“No way,” Sehun mumbles irritably.

 

Jongin nods his agreement. There’s no way that Zitao would have been fine with the lights turning off suddenly even if he had company. Their martial arts specialist still would have cried his eyes out and clung to the nearest person even if it was deemed safe. Sehun is trying to think of a reason because it’s impossible but Jongin gets there first.

 

“He’s grown up,” Jongin suggests.

 

Sehun doesn’t have a reply, muted by the shock. Jongin shakes his head and drags him back to the power box and they turn everything back on. They give up on Zitao. He’s always exiting the bathroom cheery. A month down the track, they both decide that they need something new to play with. Jongin chooses to dancer harder and to work on his skill set. Sehun sticks with that for a while but it’s nothing entertaining so he gives up. He searches for a while but when he can’t find anything to do he goes to Junmyeon for help.

 

Junmyeon tells him to read. He brightly suggests ‘A Guide to Social Interaction for A Successful Life’.

 

Sehun picks up fan fiction instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story went through a lot of processes surprisingly. But it ended up like this, purely indulgent because I wanted M spoiling Jongdae, a jealous Sehun and Jongdae/Sehun smut! The smut didn’t work out in the end because there was too much plot for me with the original PWP plan. We need more Jongdae/Sehun in the fan fiction world! And I sincerely apologise for any errors still left. University has started and I am swamped so editing will come much later.


End file.
